just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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