so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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