new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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