No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize