I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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