when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
