I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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