remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
