Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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