Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
