I wish they made helmets for livers.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.