He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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