wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?