hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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