why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me