friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
