if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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