Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
