I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
