he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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