Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
