literally had 100 drinks last night.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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