Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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