i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
