the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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