Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
