I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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