pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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