i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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