Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
