Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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