Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
