i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
