My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize