dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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