I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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