Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
