i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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