he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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