you guys were way drunker than both of me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
