im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
