There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
