I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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