I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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