whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
