Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
