i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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