She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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