Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
