I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
