You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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