Need sex. Gaining weight.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
