so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
