Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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