Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
