haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize