So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.