i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
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Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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