Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
