Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.