I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.