benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.