"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.