Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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(951): View more from California

Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.

(951): View more from California

Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.

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(631): View more from New York

i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(210): View more from Texas

Road construction signs are deceptively heavy

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?

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(219): View more from Indiana

He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?

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(904): View more from Florida

He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.

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