She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole