I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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