Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
