You're so nebulous sometimes
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
