dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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