apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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