Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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