Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
