I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There r osticjed everywhere
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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