so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
