Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I need moral support for this bender
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
